I Share a Birthday with Mel Gibson

I heard a pop. 

No response.
No indicator lights.
Nothing.
Gone from me.

I wept. Then handed my laptop over to Best Buy. Still under warranty, going to
come back to me fixed up and dandy.

It feels like they kidnapped my son.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGNW5ltWowA

The Geek Squad’s ransom letter:

We’re keeping your son for 2-4 weeks. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Fortunately, you purchased kidnapping insurance and it’s not going to cost you
anything. Sorry for the inconvenience. Unfortunately, anything your son learned
shortly before being kidnapped is likely lost and gone forever, because you
weren’t willing to pay $99.99 to back up his memories.

Sorry for the inconvenience. But in 2-4 weeks, you’ll be able to laugh and play
games with him, just like old times!

The metaphor falls apart when it comes to how it helped me masturbate.