Extended Virginity

As a bit of a refresher/recap, this is the prompt for a word problem about my virginity: 

"Assuming there exists a middle-class white chubby kid who got picked on for his receding hairline by age 15, when will Peter lose his virginity? 

Show your work." 

Questions 1-6 and the answers to them appear in the post below; 7 & 8 follow the end of this paragraph.  For those worried about spoilers--there aren't any.  For those that feel bad for me about that--I wish I'd known you in high school.  

7)  Given that Peter is now active in theatre, he’s bound to meet some frisky theatre girls,

      right? 

I really did try to join my way into vaginas, didn’t I? 

Bands, plays, Science Team—

Actually, every single one of those illustrates the Saved Game Syndrome with Stacey: 

Band—write songs about how I felt when we broke up. 

Plays—hope things will work themselves out backstage at Christmas Carol. 

Band—write a song about that. 

Science Team—you’ll get the chemistry right, figure out the approach vector, create hypotheses and prove once and for all you’re not saved-game-file-corrupted beyond all hope. 

Or not.  Although props for telling her, eventually, how you felt.  And then giving it that one last swing with the CD including those songs about how you felt. 

And sure you met other theatre girls, friskier ones, but neither of you were all that into each other.  Be honest; you didn’t have anything more in common than sex drives.  Plus, you still had prom to look forward to. 

8)  Given that Peter is a Senior and will go to prom, he’s got it made, right? 

      Variable: I mean, everyone has sex at prom, right? 

At prom?  No.  But two days later, Carlos laments everyone not getting laid after prom. 

Wait?  Even Carlos? 

Yep.  He spent the night of prom at Anita’s uncle’s house and quote “didn’t want to get axed in half by her uncle”, which, fierce beard that he had, you wouldn’t risk either. 

But here’s how prom happens for you:

You make a list of girls you’re considering asking.  This list is about eight girls long, and includes girls you barely know—so barely know that you aren’t even sure if some of them still live in Racine. 

This is the epitome of high school horniness. 

So, congratulations for reaching that milestone. 

Of those eightish girls, K is not on the list.  Congratulations also on overcoming Saved Game Syndrome. 

So, when K asks if you want to go to prom with her, because prom is about just going with friends, right, you tell her that yes, sort of, except Marisa is cute, and then you learn from K that you aren’t even sure if some of these girls are single. 

You decide to maybe not ask Marisa to prom.  Or Melissa, despite the likely head.  Which is how you end up going to prom with K, at least until she talks to MIT girl about prom and realizes MIT girl is dateless, and then K swaps you for her boyfriend and lets you go with MIT girl.  This all made sense to you in high school. 

Point being, MIT girl is definitely cute.  And MIT-smart.  Yep, available, and doesn’t know you well enough to sleep with you on prom night. 

Or maybe just isn’t into you, since you ask her out over the summer and she says she’s not going to live in Racine anymore.