Arrogance, Athlete campaign level 2 part 2

Hey, here's the rest of that Athletes level you maybe forgot existed!  

Forget what the Athletes are in context of Arrogance?  

Forget what Arrogance is?  

Follow the links!  

For just a quick synopsis of Athletes 2 part 1, the Athletes have traveled to their rival high school on the momentum of their recent win over the opposing track team (their victory ensured by bludgeoning, naturally).  There they met Jay the Groundskeeper, who has been drinking a boatload of arrogance.  Jay knows where their rival's mascot practices.  Mascot's heads are enormous because of all the sports inside, of course, so the Coach has decided to crack that skull and get enlightened.  

Obviously.  

EXT. ATHLETE BASE – DAY

VOICEOVER: once 10 Water Boys are collecting resources. 

THE COACH: Finally!  Whichever one of you is Jim, make us a new Gym!  And hustle!  

EXT. ATHLETE BASE – DAY

VOICEOVER: once the Gym is complete, the player’s base is attacked by a Sprinter and two BALLERS.  Ballers are lanky, cocksure athletes with short-shorts, a sweatband, constantly dribbling hands, and a killer afro.  The player defeats the Ballers. 

THE COACH: What the shit?  This school knows other sports?  We gotta learn them, too!  Jay, are any of those uniforms in this pile of junk?  

JAY: I’m sure I have a few, old sport. 

THE COACH: NO—it’s time for NEW SPORTS.  Water Boys!  Make a Swoll-mart and find me some of those baller-ass uniforms! 

TITLE OVER:

     Build a Swoll-Mart and train six Ballers at the Gym.  Train four Sprinters. 

EXT. ATHLETE BASE – DAY

VOICEOVER: once the first Baller’s complete. 

BALLER #1: Coach!  Where’s the court at? 

THE COACH: You’re eager!  I like that.  Let me train the rest of the team first! 

BALLER #1: Naw, Coach.  You can’t blue ball me like that.  You had me in there palmin’ balls for so long, tellin’ me we was gonna play, tellin’ me we was gonna go all the way to the championship, and now you tellin’ me to wait?  I’m dribblin’ already, let me unleash all of this dunk! 

THE COACH:  We need a team first! 

BALLER #1: But I’m dyin’ for a layup! 

THE COACH: What are you gonna do?  Play with yourself? 

BALLER #1: I’d rather not, but I wanna shoot as soon as possible. 

THE COACH: It takes time to train the Wet Dream Team! 

BALLER #1: What?  That sounds whack. 

THE COACH: You said you liked it wet!  Real wet! 

BALLER #1: For sure, I was just wonderin’ why you named it that. 

THE COACH: I already gave you some!  It’s because of all the Superade you’re gonna drink. 

BALLER #1: Oh yeah!  You got any more of that shit? 

THE COACH: Of course!  Come guzzle it down!  Suck it dry! 

SPRINTER #1: What the fuck is up with you guys and dicks? 

THE COACH: What? 

BALLER #1: The fuck you talking about? 

SPRINTER #1: Guzzling and blue balls and a Wet fuckin’ Dream Team?  Sucking each other dry? 

THE COACH: Get your mind out of the gutter! 

SPRINTER #1: You fuckin’ shittin’ me here? 

THE COACH: Of course not, fag!  Both of you, go bone each other up on your sexual win-tercourse! 

EXT. ATHLETE BASE – DAY

CUTSCENE: Once the player has built the Gym and trained six Ballers and four Sprinters.  

THE COACH: Jay!  Tell us where the mascot is! 

JAY: The mascot practices over there [as he speaks, the location is revealed on the minimap], but it appears there’s a track practice between you and the mascot. 

THE COACH: Perfect.  We’ll kill our way through them. 

WATER BOY #1: Why not go around? 

SPRINTER #1: [To Jay]  Yeah bro, how’d you get there before? 

THE COACH: Did I train you to think? 

SPRINTER #1: You taught me basic math in the last level. 

THE COACH: The correct answer is NO!  I trained you to drink Superade and win no matter what!  So when I tell you to kill your way through them, you snap to it and snap some necks!  Now hustle, and bring those Ballers with you.  Keep them behind you—they’re less worthless than you are! 

EXT. RIVAL SCHOOL’S PRACTICE – DAY

VOICEOVER: Your Ballers kill the first group of Sprinters.

THE COACH: Hot Christ those basketballs kill the living hot Christ out of those Sprinters!  Jay, did you see how our Ballers trotted all over those Sprinter’s globes? 

JAY: Of course, old sport.   [Jay drinks arrogance from a champagne glass.  Maybe not right here, but that’s a thing he does.]

THE COACH: Team!  Get me more of those Ballers! 

EXT. RIVAL SCHOOL’S PRACTICE – DAY

VOICEOVER: After the track practice is killed off.  

JAY: You’re going to face some heavy artillery next—this school’s installed some automatic baseball pitchers to protect their mascot. 

THE COACH: Are you kidding me?  My Ballers are gonna dunk all over those faggy robots.  Team!  Make those automatic pitchers play catcher! 

EXT. RIVAL SCHOOL’S AUTOMATIC PITCHERS – DAY

VOICEOVER: The Athletes face two automatic pitchers.  The Sprinters and Ballers suffer heavy casualties. 

THE COACH: What the hell?  Are there more of those automatic pitchers? 

JAY: Afraid so, old sport. 

THE COACH: Fuck!  I can’t train enough Sprinters and Ballers to deal with those things!  Team, flex harder so you can wreck them faster!  And stop dying! 

JAY: Old sport, maybe it’s time for another new sport. 

THE COACH: Like competitive Armageddon? 

JAY: [Sips arrogance] That… or let’s add some field to your track team. 

THE COACH: I hate competitive farm-ageddon! 

JAY: No, I mean Discus Throwers! 

THE COACH: Do you have any of their uniforms in that junk pile? 

JAY: I must!  Otherwise, why would it be there? 

THE COACH: What you said makes so much sense! 

JAY: And not just because I’m so charming, old sport.  It’s because I’m still leaking colors everywhere. 

THE COACH: I love the smell of colors in the morning.  Team!  Get me some Discus Throwing uniforms so we can start the ajockalypse NOW!

TITLE OVER:

     Train six Discus Throwers. 

     Train six Sprinters.

     Train six Ballers.  

EXT. RIVAL SCHOOL’S AUTOMATIC PITCHERS – DAY

VOICEOVER: after your Discus Throwers are all trained. 

THE COACH: Discus Throwers!  I hear you won’t die as much to those automatic pitchers.  Go make those robots choke on their own balls! 

EXT. RIVAL SCHOOL’S FIELD - DAY

VOICEOVER: after the blockade of 3+ automatic pitchers is destroyed, a handful of Opposing Sprinters and Ballers move in to attack. 

THE COACH: Team, kill them all!  Leave no one for the mascot to hide behind! 

TITLE OVER:

     Defeat all Opposing Athletes. 

EXT. RIVAL SCHOOL’S FIELD - DAY

CUTSCENE: after the opposition is defeated, the Athletes close in on the mascot… who has disappeared. 

THE COACH: Goddammit!  Where is he hiding? 

BALLER #1: Yo, maybe he’s inside the school? 

THE COACH: There’s no way that head could fit through the door.  No, we have to think like a pussy.   What would a pussy do? 

WATER BOY #1: I would have run away. 

THE COACH: Shut the fuck up, pussy!  Where would you have run to? 

WATER BOY #1: The place I felt safest. 

THE COACH: Pussy!  Where’s that? 

WATER BOY #1: It used to be school. 

THE COACH: Brain pussy!  You must be right, though, because that mascot has a huge-ass brain.  Who knows what sort of untold sports are in that fucking melon?  [He licks his lips.]  All right, team!  We have to go to the other opposing high school and kill that mascot. 

BALLER #1: Are you serious?  He’s probably inside this school. 

THE COACH:  I already said that gigantic noggin couldn’t fit through the doors.   No, he’s running from us.  Team!  The Pathetics say the mascot is going to the next school.  First one there gets to skull-fuck the secrets out of that brain pussy! 

[The Team cheers as the Water Boys cover their eyes.]

FADE OUT:

End of level.  

Arrogance, Athlete campaign level 2

Wondering what the shit this is?  It's the script for the second level of our RTS game, Arrogance.  Need more than that?  See the pitch for the game here and read the first level here!  

Competition Two: The Art of Sportswear

EXT. OPPOSING HIGH SCHOOL FIELD – DAY

CUTSCENE:  THE COACH warmongers to four Sprinters and four Water Boys. 

THE COACH:  Team!  We’re getting near the other school.  The only way we’re gonna beat the whole school is by having the biggest team with the best Superade and 110% more sports! 

SPRINTER #1:  Whaddya need Coach? 

THE COACH:  Go find somewhere for the Water Boys to build a new locker room!  

WATER BOY #1:  But… why do we need another locker room? 

THE COACH:  The other one’s too far away! 

WATER BOY #2:  What’s wrong with right here? 

THE COACH:  It’s terrible!  What did they teach you in geography?  The three most important things are location, location, and go fuck yourself!   Plus, I can smell some nearby Superade.  Hustle, team! 

TITLE OVER:

    Find more Superade. 

    Build a new locker room. 

    Beat the other school forever! 

EXT. ARROGANCE POOL NEAR OPPOSING SCHOOL – DAY

CUTSCENE:  the Sprinters find an Arrogance Pool and a Junk Pile near a rundown shack.  A large man, JAY THE GROUNDSKEEPER, is being attacked by two OPPOSING SPRINTERS. 

THE COACH:  I told you there was Superade!   Hey, the other team is beating that man to take his Superade!  Go beat them so we can take his Superade instead! 

TITLE OVER:

    Save the man so you can beat him!

EXT. ARROGANCE POOL NEAR OPPOSING SCHOOL – DAY

CUTSCENE:  Once the Opposing Sprinters are defeated, THE COACH talks to Jay. 

THE COACH:  Hey!  Get away from our Superade!

JAY:  Is that what this shit is?  I been drinking it, I just didn’t know why. 

THE COACH:  You like the Superade? 

JAY:  I’ve never felt better!  I’m dripping colors everywhere. 

WATER BOY #1:  I… I think that’s blood. 

THE COACH:  No, Superade makes you leak colors.  That’s how you know it’s working!  Team, I think we have a new ally.  What’s your name? 

JAY:  I’m Jay the groundskeeper, old sport.  I collect all the junk that school throws out, and in return, they let me drink all the Superade I want out of that puddle there. 

WATER BOY #1:  Doesn’t the school pay you?

JAY:  Why would they pay me?  They don’t even know I’m here. 

SPRINTER #1:  Why were those pricks beating you? 

JAY:  If I had two guesses, I’d say it’s either because I was watching their mascot practice his routine, or because I punched one prick in his taint.  They must have followed me back here by the smell of his taint on my knuckles. 

SPRINTER #1:  Yeah, big mystery.  I’ma say it maybe taint the first one. 

THE COACH:  It’s impossible to know. 

SPRINTER #2:  Whadda they care if you was watching their friggin’ mascot? 

THE COACH:  The mascot is the brains of the entire team!  What else do you think is inside that huge head?  Jay!  You know where the mascot is? 

JAY:  Sure I do.  But getting to him won’t be easy. 

THE COACH:  That’s fine.  “Hard as fuck” is my middle name.  Team!  If we can knock the head offa that mascot, the school will fall.  Jay, lead the way—but first, can we have your junk and drink your Superade? 

JAY:  Of course you can old sport! 

THE COACH:  SPORTS!  All right pathetics, build us a new locker room!  Just do it! 

Scene fades, then rises to a new locker room being completed.  The Water Boys start harvesting Junk and Arrogance.

EXT. ATHLETE BASE – DAY

CUTSCENE:  THE COACH yells at the Water Boys. 

THE COACH:  Collect faster!  What’s wrong with you? 

WATER BOY #1:  I think it’s called asthma. 

THE COACH:  So you can’t go any faster? 

WATER BOY #1:  Not without my inhaler. 

THE COACH:  More like in-failure!  If you can’t go faster, I need more of you!  Find more of you worthless Water Boys inside that locker room and make them collect Junk and Superade!  Five of you collecting Junk and five on Superade is all the pathetic I can stand, but it should be enough.  And don’t mention spaz-ma again unless you’re breathing from a win-haler! 

EXT. ATHLETE BASE – DAY

VOICEOVER:  while creating Water Boys. 

THE COACH:  Jay, how long have you been gathering this junk? 

JAY:  Just a few days, old sport.  Ever since I stopped here for a quick drink while practicing my home runs. 

THE COACH:  You play baseball?

JAY:  No, whatever gave you that idea? 

THE COACH:  You were practicing home runs! 

JAY:  Of course!  What do you think home runs are? 

THE COACH:  Baseball!  What do you think home runs are? 

JAY:  Why, it’s what I have to do after I punch a guy in his taint—I run home!  I call taint-punching “givin’ ‘em the ol’ knuckle-ball!”

SPRINTER #1:  You sure got a lot of terms for punching dicks. 

JAY:  That’s not the half of them!  When I punch four taints, it’s a grand slam!  Punching two taints hard enough the guys fall down is a ground roll double!  When I just knick ‘em with my pinky, I call that the bottom of the fifth! 

THE COACH:  This guy plays dirty!  I love it! 

SPRINTER #1:  Yo dawg, you got any other hobbies? 

JAY:  Why? Isn’t this the national pastime? 

SPRINTER #1:  Why do you punch so many taints? 

JAY:  It certainly isn’t repressed emotions! 

WATER BOY #1:  Do you think maybe you’re a self-hating gay-basher, Jay? 

JAY:  Nope! 

WATER BOY #1:  Maybe you should spend less time punching taints, then. 

JAY:  Whoa, fella—out of bounds. 

SPRINTER #1:  Can you at least stop using so many baseball words? 

JAY:  That request came outta left field.  I don’t even know what baseball is! 

SPRINTER #1:  Seriously broseph—what would I have to do to make you stop? 

JAY:  I don’t know, but I suppose I talk less when I’m eating. 

SPRINTER #1:  What do you want? 

JAY:  You could buy me some peanuts and cracker-jack. 

Nope, that's not the whole level.  Getting the entire first level in one post was a special treat.  This way we get to ponder over many thrilling questions, like will the Athletes capture the mascot?  Will Jay get his peanuts and cracker-jack?  Will the deaths of many school-age children be treated with the appropriate respect?